In Part I of "The Socialization Question", I discussed creating a mindset that helps you find educational opportunities in a multitude of settings, thus enabling natural socialization to occur, and presented 5 activities related to peer-group interaction.

Part II will take a look at activities where your child will be working with age groups other than their own.  These can be rich and fulfilling experiences and can create closer family bonds and precious memories all at the same time.  You'll find quite a bit of education going on here as well!

1 - Family projects - I remember when we built our first house, and our 2 oldest were about 7 and 9 years old at the time.  We spent many days at "the lot" helping (no, really!) dad.  Our kids saw my husband interact with other tradesman, and did so themselves, and we usually had a bunch of (adult) friends helping us.  We'd eat lunch on buckets and laugh and talk.  They socialized with oodles of adults - and never seemed to be pining away for peers!

2 - Ministry to neighbors - If you take the time, you can certainly find someone you know in your neighborhood or circle of acquaintances who is elderly or ill and needs care. When I was younger, there was a retired lady living alone down the street, and we used to go visit her once a week and read to her or listen as she reminisced.  Seeking out people and trying to meet their needs also reminds your kids that  life is not just about them - an important lesson for us all to learn!

3 - Volunteering - Calling "Bingo" at a nursing home, stacking books in the library, babysitting at the church, helping out with the local cancer-awareness fund-raiser...are all ways to get quality socialization experiences with lots of different types and ages of people!

4 - Travel - If your family is able to travel... "oh the places you'll see and the people you'll meet"!  Travel opens your eyes like they've never been opened before. If you can swing a short-term mission trip, your lives will be forever changed.  And don't be put-off if the kids are young - our daughter spent her first birthday in a small town in Costa Rica - and having little kids around sure opened up socialization opportunities for us adults!

5 - Home business - Depending on your business, the kids can be involved in helping set up and take down displays, talking to customers or attending (short) meetings. In addition to the range and quantity of people they may socialize with, this is also a great learning experience in so many ways.

So, if you've read through this series from the start, you now have 10 resources to look into to provide your children with "socialization".  I hope by now you're starting to think outside the box and see why socialization really doesn't have to be a "problem" - and usually isn't - for a homeschooling family.

Read on to the third and final part in "The Socialization Question" - Stop and Smell the Roses! -  to see what to do when you start going overboard with socialization!!

Pat Fenner and her husband Paul have been homeschooling their five children for 14 years. You can visit Pat’s websites at Help-4-Your-Homeschool.com and Networkfromhome.squarespace.com.

Perhaps the biggest concern your family and friends will express when you tell them that you are going to homeschool is how your children are going to learn to socialize with their peers if they are not in school. This is a common fear, and it can be valid in some cases, but for most of the homeschooling families that I know, or have met, it is a misplaced fear.

There are several ways to ensure that your child has every opportunity to develop into a well-adjusted member of society, with friends of many ages. And this interaction doesn’t necessarily need to involve a single school district, school or overbearing teacher -- I promise!

Study Groups and Communal Learning

With homeschooling becoming a popular and more main-stream choice, a lot of churches have begun welcoming homeschooling groups to come and use their facilities. Fortunately, these homeschool groups are not hard to find. You can Google the subject and get many good results, or also check in with your state homeschooling association to find local groups in your area. Online homeschool forums are another excellent place to connect with other homeschooling families and to find those who homeschool near you.

If there isn’t a current homeschool group in your own area, consider starting your own. Hang fliers on community boards, churches, and any place where people go. See what sort of a response you get. Homeschool groups can vary from a list of contacts for support and socializing, to a formal structure where families meet at set times. They are handy for advice, support, friendship, and the sharing of skills. If a parent is proficient in a particular area, they may want to run a class for several children on that topic. It also becomes a cost-effective option to create small groups for tutoring in specialized subjects such as sports, chemistry, biology, manual arts, maths, physics, etc.

You can participate as much, or as little, as you wish with your homeschool group, but you will know how to get into contact with other homeschooling families should you ever want or need.

Extracurricular Activities

Today school districts no longer dominant the extra-curricular market. There are a lot of community based organizations that your child can participate, and socialize, in. Joining these groups allows your child to make friends, learn a skill, keep fit, and sample different activities to find their own interests and talents. If you have a local homeschooling association, this is a great place to start. Homeschooling parents are usually well-researched into what is available in their local area. Other families, community centers, even the local council, are all good places to find out what activities are available in your town. If your town has a directory, this is even better.

Keep in mind, however, that most school districts will (for a fee of course) allow your child to participate in sports and music etc. Feel free to explore that option in addition to exploring private schools and community colleges in the area who will, for the same small fee, allow you to drop-into their activities as well. These are also great resources for extra classes you may need help with as well, so keep that in mind as a note.

Other Events:

Don’t forget to utilize bookstore events, library events, and any other children/teen events to socialize (and treat!) your child or teen. Look for postings and newsletters to find these. If you don’t ask you may not know that your local community centers, for example, holds a year-long sporting program, as well as arts and crafts lessons. Many towns also have a theatre group, where your child can participate on stage or behind the scenes.

Don’t forget that even ‘just playing’ has great value to your child’s mental and emotional well-being. Playgrounds are a great place where kids can just meet and play and expend that excess energy. Send the teens off to the movies and the mall; it’s OK, not every hour of the day need be spent learning. These experiences are all helpful to creating a well-rounded and adjusted young adult when you’re done. Also, there is nothing to say that you can’t ask for a written or oral movie review when they return!

In conclusion, there are a variety of socialization resources around you if you spend the time to look. The result is that you will find a place where your child fits in and has fun. That is something every loving parent wants for their child.

One of the biggest worries new homeschool parents face when it comes to deciding whether or not to homeschool is literally the simplest area to accomplish. I was worried about it too when I first started homeschooling over 20 years ago. Back then, homeschooling was new and the choices we had were a lot fewer than the choices you have now. It is so much easier to homeschool now than when homeschooling first began in the 1980’s when government schools introduced bussing to California Residents.

The fact of the matter is; teaching, learning and social skills are so much more easily taught and far more effective than government run schools right down to socialization. One reason it is easier and more effective to homeschool is because homeschooling is no longer new and trendy. The homeschool movement has grown so large and is currently growing at a phenomenal rate that families have made homeschooling part of everyday life. The other reason it is easy is because of the resources that are available today that were not around 20 years ago. But the third reason homeschooling is easier and more appealing is because parents take an active role in the children’s education including teaching them social skills and socialization.

You see, just about every family joining into the homeschool realm has thought about or like you worried about if their kids will have friends. The fact is, in my 20 years of homeschooling experience, there are plenty of parents who feel the same way and so they seek ways to having their children interact with others. That is why homeschool groups form. A homeschool group is a collective force of parents who want to band together and give their children all that school is lacking. Field trips, play dates, park days and special classes are all to be found when you join the right group. The parents who participate regularly in these activities benefit the most.

Many groups have parents who participate over and beyond. Like me, they know when they put together group events that their children benefit so they share their talents. Last year I wanted to teach fire safety to my children. Although I had great ideas, the most effective way to teach fire safety was to teach a group of kids. Because I was teaching a group, not just my own, I was able to get all kinds of free teaching materials, pamphlets, flyers, school work, puzzles and so much more. We even had the fire department come with a fire truck. The class was amazing and full of core families that share the same homeschool vision and family values as we. The class had over 30 kids in different age groups. If that is not having social interaction, then I don’t know what is.

Here is the misconception:

When your child goes to government school, you drop them off. They head into a school with hundreds of kids. They are exposed early in life to all of types of kids. Because there are so many children and so many choices, your children will likely choose two or three friends and stick with that. So, although there may be a lot of choices, children will choose to be with a few that they find interesting. Although in the younger years the types of kids they are exposed to vary greatly, they are still mildly affected by their peers. Therefore, children may choose friends based on values and morals not necessarily in line with you and your values. You are not there to guide your children to play and hang out with other like children. In Government schools, we allow our children to be in charge of their own peer group.

As children grow they become more open to the variety of people they are exposed to and are more easily influenced. That is why so many parents cannot understand why their child is now on drugs or dressing inappropriately. Children can “hang” with the dregs of society and it’s all good. They can be friends with the gays, hoods, jocks, and preps, whatever. The reality is: Government schools teach tolerance for their social skills. That is it! They do not teach social skills. In fact, the whole, what about socialization comment shows how ignorant we have become about teaching socialization. In my book, teaching our kids about socialization is teaching them to live like communist. Have you ever noticed that the government schools have this on their agenda?

What can you do? First, join a group. Find a group of homeschoolers in your area that hold some of the same values. That way you know who your children are interacting with and that those children and their families hold the same values as you and yours.

Next, attend functions! If you are only going to attend one or two things, your children are not going to benefit as greatly as if they were to join several things. In our group, we have regularly planned play dates. Twice a month the families of the group have an event where they can bring the kids together to play. They make this Play Time part of the curriculum to establish consistency and a core group for their kids.

Finally, get involved. Don’t just leave the activity planning to someone else. If your kids are in need of a field trip then plan one. Better yet, plan one for the group and your children will have a slew of friends joining them. They will have Friends that YOU know and trust.

Final point: Yes, at an early age, I monitored my kids. I put them with the friends that would benefit my child's growth. I taught them social skills, which is different than socialization. My children are far more respectful, disciplined, well-spoken and socially adjusted than the kids they know who government school. Typically, my kids, an 18 and 20 year old, get annoyed with the speech and slang of their peers. They have discernment when it comes to people and they look for people to hang out with who are like minded. I was able to give them that skill because I taught it to them rather than left it to chance the way most parents leave it to the government to teach. My other two, 10 and 8, have lovely wholesome relationships with a core group of friends. They can carry on intelligent conversations with adults and are respectful and well behaved. They are being taught how to have discernment and understanding without being taught tolerance. They are happy, smart and well-adjusted kids as are most homeschool kids we know. My experience has shown me that this is true for most homeschooled kids.

The whole social question has been "de-buffed". Ask just about any homeschool family and they will concur. I leave you with this thought; I was sitting a P.E the other day and I was approached by two college students who were doing a research paper at the park. They asked me “Is it a school holiday or something? Why are there so many kids at the park?” I replied it is our homeschool P.E. class. You see we have a homeschool family who is into physical fitness. They wanted to teach their kids P.E and thought well if we can teach our kids then we could teach a few more so they started a P.E class. It is now 5 years later and they have 3 classes and over 200 students. If you cannot find a friend in 200 kids, you have a problem.

Lisa Dingman is a homeschool mom of four children and the founder of Success In Home Biz. With her business, Lisa focuses on helping people gain financial independence while still spending time with their spouses, homeschooling the children, or continuing to work at their present jobs while uncovering the road to financial freedom.

Lisa also has a website called Homeschool Now. If you need help in your homeschool journey, her 20 years of experience can help you. Homeschool Now, Mom teaches you how.

Whether you are currently a homeschooler (parent or student), or are curious about homeschooled children, a common question that you have probably either encountered or inquired is: "How do homeschoolers get their socialization"?

This is a hot topic for the home educating community - one that will spur myriads of challenging answers that support homeschooled children as being properly "socialized".

Well, the main question at hand is: "What is socialization?" Starting with this pertinent question, we can find our answer in Websters' Dictionary. Socialization is simply "a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position".

This is simply a long definition to mean that a child is socialized throughout a process in which she learns to acquire values and behaviors of those around him/her - simply put. Which means, in essence, that socialization can happen anywhere - be it public school, private school, church, home school, a homeschool co-op or support group, play dates, and the worst of places (bars, gangs, streets, drug houses). Socialization happens.

So, are homeschoolers socialized? The short answer to that is - yes! Of course, the real question people want to ask is: "How are homeschoolers socialized?" With the myriads of options available for students today, it is fast becoming taboo to wonder how socialization can happen with students of any caliber, including homeschoolers.

Some of the more popular choices of extra-curricular activities among the homeschooled community are:

• 4-H clubs
• bible clubs
• church groups
• missions groups
• volunteer work
• music classes
• science labs
• art classes
• dance classes
• theater and performance
• drama clubs
• homeschooling co-ops

Out of the wide variety of options available for homeschoolers, the list above is relatively slim. Socialization happens in many of these opportunities, including in some of the following situations:

• the local post office
• zoos and museums
• fire stations
• the grocery store

Socialization happens wherever a student happens to be - whether at home, community, or group class. In short, homeschoolers are not only socialized, but in many regards, quite exposed to the real world. His or her experiences with volunteer work, play dates, enrichment classes (likely with other kids their age), and group field trips, allow ample opportunity for collaboration and community involvement that I would dare say prove desirable for most students, schools, and teachers.

Here are some common complaints of homeschool group visitors: I never really felt comfortable... It seemed like everyone already knew each other... No one made me feel welcome.

Sound familiar? As a shy person myself, I too have felt unwelcome and uncomfortable in groups. It can be difficult to break into a new homeschool support group sometimes. However, from my own experiences and from observing “successful” and “unsuccessful” new members, I have discovered that fitting in with a support group is largely up to the individual. Indeed, whenever I made the extra effort, my children and I fit in much more quickly and easily. With the twin goals of making new friends and letting others know that you are committed to the group, here are certain actions which will help you and your children break into a new group more easily.

Go to every meeting. Make attendance a priority. Don't let anything, except illness, interfere with going to the support group meetings. You are likely to be remembered if others see you on a regular basis, and their names and faces will become recognizable to you much sooner. Besides, it is too easy to get out of the routine of attending meetings. If you start missing a date here and there, before you know it, you won't be regulars anymore. Support groups often evolve over time; if you go regularly, you will be part of those changes. Otherwise, you are likely to be uncomfortable with the changes and the group won't “fit” anymore.

Arrive early. It is easier for you to start talking with only one or two other adults than it is to approach a group of adults. Similarly, your children will find it easier to make friends with just one or two kids before all the children have arrived than to try to join a group once the games and activities have begun.

Participate in as many other activities as possible. Sign up for the field trips, go on the moms' nights out, host an upcoming activity, volunteer for the annual fund raiser or service project. When there is a group effort to help someone out, such as taking meals to a new mom, sign up even if you do not know the person. Active participation will establish you and your family not only as part of the group but also as part of the community.

Don't give up just because the group does not fit perfectly. For example, there will likely be parents with radically different discipline methods; you do not have to agree with them. Similarly, you do not have to find a group that exclusively unschools or follows the Charlotte Mason method. Although you may be fortunate enough to find a like-minded group, you will expand your mind when you learn from those who are different from you. Friendships do not require that you have everything in common.

In short, breaking into a new group requires tenacity and perseverance. Granted, homeschool group members should be welcoming to newcomers, but unfortunately, they often are not. Perhaps they are simply not focused on the visitors, or maybe their idea of welcoming is different from the newcomer's. In any case, breaking into a new group will take some effort on your part, but if you make the effort, it will be worth it.

If you have homeschooled for any amount of time (or even if you've just kicked around the idea of homeschooling in lighthearted conversation), you have had this thought or have been asked this question: "What about socialization?" This is a topic that seems to automatically arise in any discussion about homeschooling, especially if one of the people involved in the discourse does not homeschool. First, I think it's important to tease out what the inquisitor means by "socialization". When answering this question, it's important to know if the question is about socialization or socializing, as the two have vastly different meanings. I generally find that most people actually mean "socializing" when this topic comes up but there are some who genuinely mean "socialization." In this article I will give you my understanding of these two concepts and tell you what I think about each of them as they relate to homeschooling.

SOCIALIZING - In my experience, most people who ask "What about socialization" are actually asking, "Hey - will your kid ever get to see anyone but their own family? Will they get to play ball? Have a same-age peer group? Share secrets with best friends? Send spit balls flying across a cafeteria?" There seems to be a concern that homeschoolers will "miss out" on all of the "fun" things that we associate with our own school experiences. I will say emphatically that for us, socializing is NOT an issue. (Well, actually, I may have to take that back. It in fact CAN be an issue, but not in the way that you might think. I have had several conversations with fellow homeschooling mothers who laugh and say "we've got to cut out some of our social activities - we need to get some school work done!") Homeschoolers have a multitude of opportunities to socialize with peers and sometimes, we have to avoid the pitfall of having too many things on the social schedule.

When I was growing up (way back in the '70's and '80's) we actually had some very good friends who were homeschooled. I will say that for that family, socializing may have been an issue and here's the reason: They were the ONLY ones who were doing it. Today, however, homeschool activities abound. YMCA's, community centers, state parks and zoos have all opened their doors to the homeschool community. Spanish tutors, art teachers, gymnastics and dance studio owners have all realized that there is huge segment of students out there who are available during times other than "school hours" and they have accordingly started programs with classes and group activities for these folks. (Incidentally, I have had more than one business owner tell me that they LOVE it when they get a group of homeschoolers on the schedule because they tend to be very well behaved, punctual and engaged.) Homeschooled children participate in team sports and some (like my daughter) participate in P.E. classes at a local school. As you can see, opportunities to socialize are not only available but are abundant.

One parting thought on this idea of the importance of socializing: Are we concerned about opportunities to socialize because we want them to be viable members of their community? If so, ponder this. Homeschooled children are exposed to a variety of experiences with a variety of people of differing ages. They are often spending time in "the real world" (a trip to the grocery store, accompanying a family member to work, getting to spend time with aging and or ill family members) and they are not confined to a classroom with one teacher and 20 children their own age. Which of the above scenarios do you think is more valuable in preparing them to engage socially as they get older and more independent*?

SOCIALIZATION - Merriam - Webster defines socialization as, "the process by which a human being acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status." Socialization is a different animal all together. We're not talking about having time to hang out after class and talk about your latest crush. This is about training the next generation as a whole to function in a prescribed way and instilling "habits and beliefs." There are many homeschoolers, myself included, who have chosen to educate their own BECAUSE of the idea of socialization. I am not worried about the fact that my child is not getting "socialized" by an educational system that I see as broken and one who would train my children to have habits and beliefs that I do not ascribe to. I choose to educate my own for many reasons, one of which is because I believe that their "accumulated knowledge of society" should come from me and be rooted in my beliefs about how they should be "trained for adult status." Allowing my children to be trained by a group of people that I do not know (and ones who may hold vastly differing viewpoints on such things as my child's purpose in society) is precisely what I am trying to avoid.

Now let me back up a second (because I can hear you shouting at your computer screen) and address the concerns of, "You can't keep your children in a bubble! They should be able to hear differing views! They should be taught how to function as part of a whole!" First, I agree. I can not keep my children in a bubble nor do I want to. I do, however, believe that it is my duty to be the primary "translator" for my child. They will experience things and have questions about those experiences. We all filter our experiences through our belief systems and values. We interpret the world based on our "filter". My job as a mother and as a teacher is to help them develop a healthy filter. One that will rely on truth and honesty and integrity to make decisions and judgments. While I do not have any problems with them hearing views and beliefs that are different from mine, I do have a problem with them being told the views that our family holds (for example our beliefs about absolute truth, a Creator, or personal freedoms) are not "politically correct." As to the query of "raising a good citizen who will function as part of a whole", my answer to that is, "What better way to train a child to function as part of a whole than to give him a meaningful place of honor and responsibility in his own family among siblings, mother father and extended family?" The family unit is the perfect proving ground for learning how to thoughtfully and efficiently function as part of a greater body.

So there you have it. Whether you are ruminating over this question of social interaction for yourself or you are answering others who have questions about the well being of your child, know that there are differences in the meanings of socializing and socialization. Be encouraged in the fact that there are plenty of opportunities for socializing and be empowered with the knowledge that as a homeschooler, you can determine just how your child gets "socialized."

* For an enlightening look at the issue of children who were homeschooled and their capability to get a job, get into college, and participate in their communities, please take a look at this article (http://www.hslda.org/research/ray2003/Socialization.asp) on the HSLDA website.

Homeschooling is an education option that is widely debated by comparing and contrasting it to public school. There are always two sides to every story, and there are many topics that always seem to come up in these discussions. This article will focus on one of the popular questions: socialization, by sharing our family’s experience as it relates to this discussion.

Homeschool Kids Don’t Have Socialization

This one pops up a lot. I find it hard to understand what people mean when they say this, or why it is usually the first thing they think of when the topic of homeschooling comes up. If they mean that sending your child to spend 8 hours a day with a bunch of kids their age in relatively unsupervised conditions is going to help develop their socialization skills, I am baffled even more.

Kids need much attention. When they are in a public setting, especially on their own, they feel the need for attention, but learn to seek it the way their peers do by example: whining, screaming, manipulation, hitting, etc. I'm not saying that my kids never whine, scream or hit, but we make it unfruitful for them to do so - they don't get what they want. To be consistent with denying their whining or screaming until they ask in a normal tone of voice or accept that no is your final answer may take 5 or even 15 minutes – for the immediate battle and a weeks to win the war. This requires a flexible environment that is rarely available in a public setting. Our experience is that being consistent in denying whining and screaming is that they quickly learn not to do it. Reinforcing this over time it then becomes a way of life.

In the public school setting kids are relatively unsupervised during activities such as lunch, recess, changing classes, gym class, bus trips, assemblies, etc. Anything goes to get what they want. They quickly learn that manipulation of various forms works to get the attention they seek. However, if they aren’t one of the “group” they may suffer verbal and sometimes physical abuse that causes them to withdraw and not want to seek communication or relationship with anyone. It only brings pain. Kids can be so cruel to one another.

If you wanted your child to learn how to bowl would you send them to a group of kids their age, or would you seek a mentor who knew how to bowl? The skill of socialization is the same as any skill. They stand to learn a skill quicker and more complete when mentored by a few that are more mature in that skill. Kids learn more how to “survive” than how to properly socialize in a public school setting. They are more likely to get more loving, supportive attention at home than in a public setting. If you communicate with your kids in a truthful mature manner they will learn to get and receive attention the same way. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize with other kids at home, in church, with homeschool groups, or in your neighbohood.

My wife and I both attended public schools growing up, and we have been enjoying the advantages of homeschooling our children for over 10 years. We understand that homeschooling is a choice, and that it is may not be for everyone. Hopefully this helped you see both sides more clearly. We hope to address some more of the debated questions in future articles.

One of the first concerns people share with me about homeschooling is their fear that their child or children will grow up to become social misfits.  That somehow life will become so small that it will revolve around the 3 R's and chores... no more friends... no more playing... no more fun.  Deep sigh...

While I can understand this fear, in this article I hope to provide new homeschoolers - or those considering it - with some creative and practical ways to get some sunshine and socialization outside "the cave".

First of all, I'd encourage you to develop a mindset that seeks learning opportunities outside of the books.  Although pre-packaged curriculum provide the structure and direction that so many new homeschoolers think they need, the danger lies in becoming a slave to them.  Home indeed becomes a stuffy and oppressive "cave" when we have to "get school done" before life moves on.  The activities I describe below are replete with educational benefits, and we use or have used all of them to homeschool our own.

Remember, socialization is important not only within one's peer group, but inter-generationally.  One of the biggest drawbacks I find in public education is age segregation.  To most non-homeschoolers, socialization means having their kids in a class with others their own age.  This form of segregation is obviously an artificial environment when you realize that once out of school, children need to learn how to interact with people of all ages.  Therefore, creating a balance in socialization is crucial for healthy growth and development.  Here I will offer options that are primarily peer-oriented; Part II describes activities that provide more inter-generational experiences.

1. Scouting - This is also a terrific learning opportunity.  We have used the requirements for badges and pins as springboards for many subjects.  Between troop meetings, camping and the field trips we go on, the kids get quite a bit of fun and educational "kid time".

2. Sports groups - Sports provide both exercise and socialization, along with the all-important development of team-work skills.  We've participated in teams at the Y, our town's Recreation Department, and church leagues.  Homeschoolers in urban areas often have the added-advantage of homeschool leagues in certain sports.

3. Support group activities - Our local support group has twice-monthly classes (Friday classes) and monthly "extras", as well as dances, yearbook, Key Club and other functions for the high-school set.  We also arrange periodic field trips and have a group that meets regularly for "park day" - fun for the kids and mom! Lots of opportunities for socialization here!

4. Museum classes - Many museums offer short-term classes or group lessons.  Our zoo offers a 6-week science class each semester, and the local cultural center has periodic day-long offerings.  Check with your local art,  history, or science museum to see what they might have planned.  This is a great way to meet kids from all over your area.

5. Church and religious organizations - Our church has both Sunday and Wednesday night programs for the kids, along with Vacation Bible school and summer camps.  An added benefit here is that while the kids are socializing in a supervised and safe environment, mom and dad get to socialize as well.  A true win-win!

Homeschooling doesn't have to mean the end of an interesting and stimulating social life!  Use these ideas as a springboard to open up your mind and start investigating what's available in your own area.  And then read Part II, where I present some other socialization options.

The idea of play dates used to make me nervous. I worried about who I should invite and how to invite them. I stressed about planning activities and how involved I should be.  I especially stressed about what to do if it all went wrong. Would my daughter forgive me if I just avoided them altogether?!

Most likely she wouldn’t.

My daughter is 3-year-old social butterfly. She makes a new friend just about every time we go out to the playground, the museum, the swimming pool or even the supermarket. While casually playing with others outside is great, time spent one-on-one is best for close friendships. In this way, she learns to share, cooperate, listen and hopefully make lasting friends. Play dates are where she can learn those skills in a safe home environment.

Here are some of the best tips I’ve found to help you with your child’s next play date:

Before the Play Date

• Invite one of your child’s friends. Decide who to invite with your child. One-on-one play dates are best for developing close friendships. With three or more, there is more of a chance of a child feeling left out.
• Keep the get-together short.  Between one and two hours is more than enough time for younger children.
• Be specific about a time and date when organizing a play date. Many moms make the mistake of saying, "We should set up a play date." People get busy and if you offer a specific date and time, it’s more likely to happen.
• Avoid mealtimes at first. The best times to schedule a new play date is mid-morning or afternoons.
• Set up play date rules. Discuss with your child how to be gracious.
• Discuss discipline with the other parent. If mom stays for the visit, and it’s a good idea at first, it may be more effective for each parent to discipline her own child.
• Set up “activity stations”. Put them in different areas or rooms of your home. Some fun ideas may include art, sand play, dress up, sports, play dough or building toys.

During the Play Date

• Be involved. While you don’t want to be hands-on for the entire play date, it is important for parents to have a role in the play date.
• Keep the activities rolling. Suggest changes in activities when you sense restlessness or misbehavior.
• Always have snacks. Food is a great diversion for a play date that's getting out of control. Make sure you ask about any food allergies her child may have, and always choose a healthier option.

After the play date

If your child feels good about the play date, let the other mom know and plan another play date!

What are your best play date tips?

Symmetry is a trained teacher, homeschooling mom and currently living overseas in China. Visit her website at Step By Step Homeschooling.

This final part of the series "The Socialization Question" speaks to those homeschoolers with some time already under their belts.  Once you develop a lifestyle of learning, so to speak, it can be really easy to become so involved in outside activities that it may seem you're never at home!  Of course, at this point, socialization is no longer the issue.  We usually become over-involved for 1 of 2 reasons.  We are so plugged-in to the community because we have either:

• discovered lots of good educational programs and opportunities "out there", or

• realized the character-building that occurs when our kids learn in "real life" settings.

But "too busy" is "too busy", no matter what the reason!

And it's not healthy for any of us.

So here are 5 steps to take if you find you need to somehow "stop and smell the roses" in your homeschool.

• Formulate a vision - What do want most for your kids?  What kind of adult to you dream of them becoming?  This is a super activity to do with your spouse, and one you'll find yourself coming back to from time to time as the kids grow and change, and your understanding of their potential and giftings is stretched!

• Set goals - Based on your vision, what big picture items need to or should happen this year?  These, of course, will change over time, but doing this will help to fulfill your vision and provide a framework for the next step.

• Establish areas that "need work" - The four areas we seek to develop are educational, social, life skills and character-traits. Adapting a technique described by Diane Hopkins at Love to Learn.com, I have a piece of paper divided into 4 sections for each of my children.  As activities come up, I consider how and if they fit into any of the goals and/or areas that we're working on.  If I have to work too hard to make it "fit" - we don't do it!

• Decide on methods - You know best how your kids learn.  Armed with that information, and combining that with the vision, goals and areas from above... once again, if the "shoe" doesn't fit...

• Consistently evaluate - Stephen Covey, author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" has a super time matrix that I adapted to homeschoolers.  His basic premise is that we need to analyze our activities in order to decide our priorities, and only then can we assess what we need to or should be doing each day. Very good stuff.

So by using the steps above, it should be fairly easy for you to assess your current activities and see what has to go.  Now that doesn't mean that you will never have busy days or seasons again!  Christmas, I suppose by its nature (in our society, at least),  is going to be busy.  You might have a wedding coming up in your family, or unexpected out-of-town guests...you know:  life happens.  But what these steps will help you with is smoothing out the day-to-day, so that you can concentrate on educating your kids, deepening your family relationships and staying sane.

Pat Fenner and her husband Paul have been homeschooling their five children for 14 years. You can visit Pat’s websites at Help-4-Your-Homeschool.com and Networkfromhome.squarespace.com.