"Mark! How many times do I have to tell you to make your bed as soon as you wake up? An exasperated homeschool mother glares angrily at her 11 year old son on a late Monday morning and begins to rage, "I'm always having to remind you to put things away and not dawdle over schoolwork. I spank and spank and you still turn the TV on without permission, and you embarrass me terribly because you always, always, always, interrupt when I'm talking on the phone!  Look! We have a chart with just a few simple rules on it. What is it going to take for you to learn how to behave?  Every day we do the same things! You know what you are supposed to do..... Why aren't you doing it!!!!!!! You're driving me crazy! Now go sit in your room and think about it while I try to calm down!"

Our homeschooling mother example (maybe its you!) is confronting the major theme problem in rearing and teaching children.

"How long will it take my child to learn what I want him to know?  How many times should I expect to spank someone for the same disobedience or tell a child to do the same task, or remind him that seven times eight equals 56 (or is it 58? I can't remember). Anyways, where do I draw the line?"  How many times should we expect to remind a child to make his bed? The answer is obvious! It is 70 X 7!  (Ponder Matthew 18). Seventy times seven is a certain number for an indefinite one, but a great one.  What!?  Seventy times seven sounds like forever! Should  I expect to be on the road of training, disciplining and reproving a child until he is both an adult and out of my direct oversight?  Yes!! Not every child learns at the same rate of speed, some children learn the hard lessons verrry slowwwwlllly. Maybe you were like that.  Maybe you still are.

Let's imagine for a moment that the whole reason this is happening every single day is that God is teaching one of life's really big lessons. Your son's lesson is an easy one. "Obey your mother and father in the Lord for this is right."  But the lesson you are learning is more complicated and takes a lot longer to learn:

You learn that it is not the act of spanking that brings about changes in a child's life.  It is the Holy Spirit.  We spank only in obedience to God's commands.  You often cannot see spanking working.  This motivates you to not walk by what you see, but to shut your eyes and walk blindly by faith with God leading.  Your mind and your sight tells you that spanking is not working, but you cannot see the invisible things which are really at work.

You learn that while the work of the Holy Spirit is actually what causes a person to change, you have also been given an important and very real role in this. You are the instrument through which the Holy Spirit will accomplish these changes.  How kind and generous is our God! He has chosen and elevated you to perform such important life changing services like Reproving, Disciplining and Training!

You learn that children are utterly incompetent, incapable of even the slightest good thing, always, always doing the wrong thing and without hope of ever doing or changing anything of themselves.

You learn to say:  I am really a forgetful sinner just like my son. God has been so patient, tenderhearted and merciful to me and in thankfulness I can be patient and tenderhearted too.

You learn to cling desperately to God on your knees in prayer and beseech him to change your child.  You won't rely on your activities of spanking and reproof to do the work but hope in His promises to reward your good efforts of obedience to Him.

You learn perseverance. And try to do better in your part by being more disciplined to spank, train, reprove, and pray with and for your child.

Constantly remember that what you want a son to learn you must also learn to do better yourself.   Keep this paper, you may need to review it. Learn the lesson well and God will reward you. Your son will rise up and make his bed!

Why are you homeschooling? For most of us it is because we love our children. We want the best for them. We want them to get a good education so they can be successful. We are doing this for them because of our love for them.

The power of positive thinking in "I Love You" will get you through the worse days when everything goes wrong, and it will make the best days perfect. When working with your child, keep these positive thoughts in mind. "I love you if you make a mistake." "I love you if you are not happy or cooperative today. I am here to help you find happiness."  "I love you when you stubbornly want your own way. I will help you see a better way."  "I love you when you are good."  "I love you when you get to school on time."  "I love you.  I want your success." Think up your own "I love you" phrases and use them in your every day problem solving.

This positive thought pattern will help you come up with effective solutions to any problem, whether it be a bad behavior that your child has or just helping her to understand her school lessons. It is impossible to become angry or out of patience when you remember "I love you."  You are here for the child. You are giving yourself for her success.

"I love you" does not mean "I let you do whatever you want." "I love you" means that you help the child make the right decisions.  See to it that she obeys you and follows the rules of the home.  This will help her to be a law-abiding citizen when she grows up. See that she treats others well and takes care of her responsibilities. In this way you can help her to have friends and to be a good friend to others.  Show her the true path to happiness is through loving others.

"I love you," Let this positive mind frame be the motive for every action and you will have a far greater success in your homeschool than you ever thought possible.  Think "I love you."

Ask any homeschooling mom what frustrates her most and she will mention the kids taking forever to finish their work, not doing their work or complaining about their work. There seems to be a theme here. If I burned 100 calories every time I heard such a complaint, I would be conducting weight-loss seminars.

Suffering Alone

Most moms silently suffer, reluctant to acknowledge defeat, until they meet with their facilitator. Facilitators talk to many moms; thus, they are exposed to the bigger picture, but individual homeschoolers struggle alone, not realizing that this problem is typical. We dare not ignore it, however, because typical or not, it's annoying!

Much more than annoying, it leads to panic when we believe that we are unusual, which just isn't true. I guarantee you that this hassle is common at one time or another to every homeschool (or for that matter to every home). It happened in mine, and I bet it has happened in yours. In fact, you might be struggling with your children's passive-aggressive behavior right now.

Finding a Solution

The first step in finding a solution is to admit the problem. The second is to realize that you are not alone. The third is to get smart.

There are many dynamics at play here. First of all, there's Mother's fear of failure. Most likely a product of a North American school system, Mom is performance oriented. She wants to succeed (boy, does she want to succeed!) and homeschooling is her baby.

Resistance from Others

Someone is resisting her -- a mother-in-law, a husband, a neighbor, a girlfriend. She has blabbed up the benefits and joys of this idea to her skeptical friends and now things don't seem to be panning out. The kids don't delight in school work (first shock) and they can't seem to get it done in a day, at least not in time (maybe there's too much work, the wrong curriculum, a poor schedule). Although she's sold on homeschooling, she's afraid that maybe it's not for her. Maybe she's ruining her children. She feels chained to a sinking ship. More and more frequently, she finds herself longing for the return of her peaceful pre-homeschooling life.

The Delusion

The second dynamic is Mother's delusion. Most homeschoolers' expectations are unreal. They strive to grasp a phantom carrot, which not only can't be reached, it doesn't exist! Their Norman Rockwell painting of the perfect homeschool goes something like this:

Mom, looking well rested and dressed in a sharp outfit and starched apron is baking pies from scratch in the large, open kitchen of the family's log cabin. It's harvest time and she's eager to sample the new apple crop.

In one corner of the room, a cheerful fire radiates from the field stone fireplace. At the solid oak island, close to Mom's elbow, sit three well dressed, finely groomed, jolly children. The family collie barks playfully. The calico cat catches a sunbeam. A perky parakeet, trained to sing along with music, dances on her perch and chirps the melody to Don't Worry, Be Happy.

The seven-year old is parsing his Latin verbs, the nine-year old is reading War and Peace while completing tomorrow's calculus assignment, and the elven-year old is writing his second novel. Every few minutes, one slaps another on the back and says, "Good job! You're doing so well!"

At their elder siblings' feet, sit two contented toddlers constructing Meccano cities while reciting their timetables to song. Handel's Messiah plays softly and melodically through the home's intercom system. As the oven timer signals removal of the home baked beans, the ten-year old calls gently and respectfully form the table where she is rocking the baby's cradle with one foot while completing a chemistry experiment.

"Mother, am I permitted to finish next week's lessons today before I fold the laundry and chop wood? I am so eager to complete the textbook by Christmas and begin my physics. I do not want to fall behind. Oh, and Mother... You look lovely. Have I thanked you today for homeschooling me?

Across the table, the eight-year old whistles Amazing Grace as he builds birdhouses to sell in the family business. All of the people in this picture are smiling and reciting Psalm 119 simultaneously. "That's great, children!" Mom sings out as they complete verse 176. "Now let's try it in Japanese!"

Can we all agree that no homeschool looks anything like this? Most of them look remarkably like yours, complete with the sticky countertops! So enough of the delusion already! We will never attain perfection.

The Plan

We need a plan. Let's start by lighting a candle and a stick of incense, breathing deeply and doing the following:

Acknowledging the problem:  Kids dawdle and balk. It's normal. It's not evil, only childish. We're not alone. Repeat ten times: "My kids are normal and so am I!"

Adjusting our focus:  Our homeschool doesn't have to look like a cover spread for Homeschooling Today. Repeat ten times: "Our school is normal and so is our house!"

Taking back control:  Repeat twenty times: "I am the adult here."

Number three can be a challenge, but it's actually easier than you think (and an awful lot of fun). Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I arguing with an eight-year old?" There really is no argument. You are the boss. Hold on to that thought until my next article when I will lay out a great plan for you to take back control. That's the part where we get smart. For now, give yourself a break. You're normal, you're not going nuts, and there is hope.

A friend of mine wrote to me because she was concerned about a homeschooled family and their children. She was concerned because this family had a 9 year old who did not read very well. She thought the child could read small words, those of a 4or 5 year old. She wondered if she should say anything to the family or perhaps she should call someone about this. As a homeschooling mom, she did not want to start trouble but she felt as if this child really needs help. Should she call or not? That is a concern that some homeschooled moms face when meeting other homeschooled families who seem as if they are not teaching their children at the level they should be.

Where should the children be is the question one needs to ask themselves when it comes to homeschooling. I know it is hard to sit and watch others parent their children differently than we would. However, as we get older and wiser, we realize that we do not know everything either and we are not always "right". Sometimes there is just no "right" way to school our children, just different.

Many homeschooled parents have received grief from family members because their children did not start reading or read at their peers’ levels. It can take a along time as a homeschool mom to realize that not all children learn at the same level. Many parents find out that when their children are behind in reading it is because they had dyslexia. Many children do not start reading well until 5th grade. Some families have children that could read at 5 with no help from parents because they are listening to Mom teach their older siblings. On the other hand, the family can have two other siblings that are much slower and are not reading fluently. Some children struggled with reading and are not fluent until about age 7-8 and become voracious readers after that. Studies have shown that children that learn to read later, age 8 or 9, actually do better than children that learn at age 5 or 6. Better Late Than Never by Raymond Moore is an excellent book on this subject. Not all children are at the same level in any subject which is one reason why we all homeschool.

You do not know the struggles this family has had financially, emotionally or physically to make a decision that they are just being neglectful. What if the parents lost their jobs and schoolbooks were hard to come by that year. What if the homeschool parent became ill that year and teaching was difficult. I know of a mother who came down with a heart condition and taught minimal school for an entire year. Should she have put her kids in school for that year? It is not for you or me to say. I do know this, the kids caught up the next year. What if the family in question had a death in the family? That could set someone back for a long time especially if the loss was a child. The whole family would need time to heal. I know my kids have been behind in the past and it has taken time to catch up to where we should be. If anyone had called the authorities, it would have been devastating to us as a family. I was not neglectful I was a bit behind.

Keep in mind; there are different learning and teaching styles that home school families use. Who are we to say what works for someone else? Some children are auditory learners and if parents do not pick that up right away, the children could easily get behind. Likewise, if a child is a visual leaner curriculum needs to be adjusted to fit their needs or they too will struggle and possibly get behind. My eldest son had a very difficult time with spelling and to ease the frustration we just stopped. In fact, we did no spelling for two years. When we picked it back up, it was easier for him. He was no longer frustrated by it. If you do not spend 24 hours a day with a family, you have no idea what goes on in their home.

Think about your children, family, and what you would do if someone called the authorities on you. Even though we may have good intent, it is not our place to say how others school their children. Instead, there are a few ways that you could be a help.

If the child is not reading because the parent is not taking the time to encourage them, maybe you could just sit down with the child, and read a fun book to them at their reading level. Sometimes it takes an outside person to spark their interest. My sons hated to read until the first Harry Potter book came out. Now, they read everything and anything. In fact, they rather read than watch T.V.

One grandparent I know sat down with their 4-year-old grandson and just played alphabet games with him. Grandma showed him how to blend letters together with lots of giggles and the next day we got out the beginner books. Now, he is off and reading. His Mom had not thought he was ready... It took a grandma!

Perhaps, you could start home schooling together. Team-teach! Perhaps they do not know how to effectively teach certain subjects like reading. The best thing you can do, IMO, is invite them for tea and discuss home schooling. Find out where they are and if they need help and then help them where you can. If it will work out for team teaching then schedule it for twice a week or so.

If you call the authorities on another family, you very well may put your family at risk of being looked at. You must ask yourself; what if it were you? What if someone thought you were being neglectful? What ramifications would it have on your family and children? Think about what it would do to you and imagine it happening to them. If you are in a position to influence another family, I think encouraging them would be the most beneficial. Ultimately, the children are their responsibility.

Be cheerful and enthusiastic about school. The children will take on your attitude. The way you feel shows in your actions, your voice, and the look in your eyes.  You can't hide it. Children will quickly pick up on the way you feel.

You can't head into the school day in a bad mood feeling grumpy and impatient then expect your child to be a good student. Even if you have the best curriculum in the world, it won't take the place of a patient, kind teacher. You will need to present the lessons in a cheerful, happy manner that makes learning enjoyable.

Demand of yourself what you expect of your child. You can't get lazy. You must take it seriously for your child to take it seriously.  You be strict with yourself first.  Get yourself to school on time. Let your actions show the child that you care and that you are serious about doing homeschool.  If you lie in bed two hours late not especially feeling like doing school today, what is you child going to think?  You are sending a subtle message that, "school is not important. We don't really have to do this." Then the child will act it our ten times worse. Next day when you try to wake him up, you'll have a battle on your hands with no ground to stand on.

Be stricter on yourself. Show him the good example.  Let you actions send the positive message,"School is important. We can do this. We will do this. School is wonderful so let's get learning."

You, the parent and teacher, get your homework done.  Have your lessons ready. Have yourself ready on time.The Success of your homeschool depends on you.

Lily Ann is a mother to six bright children. She has enjoyed great success in the area of homeschooling. She is always looking for ways to improve and loves to learn new things. Please visit her website.

I like having fun, especially with kids. A few years ago, when describing one of my classes to the principal of a school where I taught, I caught myself using one of my favorite expressions: "We have a lot of fun in there!"

She smiled and replied, "I believe it." She knew me well.

My husband and I joke that my mood ring is permanently purple, the color of passion. I do tend to be passionate about most things. My family expects that mom is usually up or higher, but I'm sad to say that they have seen my other side, too!

I hope that my tombstone will read something like SHE HAD FUN. Seems frivolous, but not really. We honor the Lord by embracing life--by using our gifts, enjoying people, squeezing the goodness out of our experiences and consciously living in the centre of God's will. Whether our circumstances are pleasurable or not, we can be content and offer praise. In the midst of it all, we can and should have a lot of fun. Think of it as teaching life skills. What could be more valuable than learning to enjoy life!

Does that mean that we have to make learning a laugh a minute, to always entertain our kids so that they never grumble about their work? No, of course not. It does mean that we should model right attitudes and teach them that even disagreeable tasks can be done with a thankful heart. There is nothing thrilling or hilarious about a math lesson, cleaning the toilet or dusting (man, I hate dusting!), but lighthearted people take those tasks in their stride and quickly get on to the more exciting parts of their day. I once had a bitter friend who resented scrubbing the toilet so much that she kicked it each time she cleaned it, which seemed silly to me. There's no need to kick the toilet. It will be dirty again next week!

Sadly, when I was homeschooling, worries and frustrations often took my smile away. The demands of my life routinely sapped my strength and joy. At those times I became an ogre, barking orders, nagging and grumbling.

We need to lighten up and give our kids and us time to be silly and non-productive. Recess is not an option; it's essential for you as well as for them. So are holidays. Schedule some regular goof-off days. Just don't get into the habit of canceling school on a whim, either theirs or yours. Plan for those days of rest; they'll be more precious. Give yourself permission to kick back and enjoy!

You also need to take time for yourself, to have fun apart from the daily grind of housework, childcare and teaching. I hope that you are involved with other home educators, either in an organized support group or casually with a few friends. We need to spend time with like-minded people and learn to laugh at ourselves.

I remember a skit that another mom and I performed with our children for talent night at a homeschool support group. It was hilarious. I still laugh when I think of it. I was the frumpy homeschool mom dressed in an old robe, my hair askew. I had slept in and was feeling lazy. Kids littered the stage; the house was a disaster.

The kids suggested making pancakes. I feebly mentioned that we were running late, we should get to our schoolwork, but hey, we hadn't done science in quite awhile. Why not make pancakes as an experiment! (That was so close to home, I blush to remember)

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was our homeschool facilitator, the dreaded MRS. HOOKNOSE! To the horror of my kids and me, I had forgotten our appointment! She was ridiculously strict, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and her hair tied back severely in a bun. She hugged a clipboard to her chest, carried a huge ugly black briefcase and held a pen in the air as if she were about to strike. Her voice was high-pitched and she clicked her tongue and glared. I was mortified and nervous.

Ironically, today I work as a homeschool facilitator and I find myself in the role of Mrs. Hooknose! What a shock! At least that's how I feel some days, and at times I'm sure that's how others perceive me. I sometimes recognize that nervous look and uncertain tone when I'm talking to moms and I wonder if they aren't feeling the way that I felt in our skit. Sometimes I have to pull myself aside and say, "Lighten up, Hooknose!"

As we begin the final stretch of this school year, let's remind ourselves that this too shall pass and that it's okay to have a little fun. We all need to lighten up. Nothing is perfect, but we are trying to do our best. We don't always succeed, but hey, tomorrow is another day. If we want to homeschool well, then let the fun begin!

Dianne Dachyshyn is a freelance writer and a motivational speaker who lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.  She works as a home education facilitator, helping homeschooling families plan their programs and deal with challenges.  Dianne is passionate about teaching children to write.  Visit her website at HomeschoolWell.com.

Personally, I have found that within in the home, attitudes are insidious. When one person has a bad attitude, it negatively affects others and can create chaos. On the other hand, when everyone chooses to persevere with a right attitude, occasional grumbles and the like don’t really have much impact on the overall scheme of things.

Attitude is closely linked to the expression of negative emotions, like anger, which certainly can have a detrimental effect on the entire household if not handled properly.

Mom having a good attitude is key to maintaining a peaceful and joyful home atmosphere that is conducive to meeting family, home management, and homeschooling goals. There is a real “trickle down effect” that occurs in the home, so if Mom is responding in a positive manner, children are more likely to reciprocate. Of course, Mom having a great attitude doesn’t guarantee that the kids (or Dad!) will, too. So, as the “manager of the home,” part of your job is to encourage everyone to have a godly attitude on a consistent basis. How to accomplish this?

Well, our human nature wants things now. We want quick-fixes and would rather put a band-aid on a gunshot wound than do extensive and time-consuming surgery. Unfortunately, encouraging proper attitudes is a process that requires perseverance as well as understanding.

How to Encourage a Good Attitude in Children

Perhaps obviously, bad attitudes are usually just the evidence of a flesh versus Spirit battle, and the flesh is winning. Typically, an individual (whether Mom, Dad, or kids) wants to do one thing, and their authority (Mom, Dad, or God) in some way makes it clear that something else is more necessary. And the knee-jerk reaction is grumbling, complaining, arguing, anger, or a generally sour approach to the task at hand.

I have found that when dealing with attitudes in the children, a proactive approach is best. We teach and train twelve “core values” as part of our Biblical instruction. Three of those values are surrender, self-control, and praise, all of which come into play in the area of attitudes. We like to focus on these positive character traits at a time when there is no correction needed, but rather to teach the foundational Biblical principles, Scriptures, and ways of interacting before negative situations arise. Otherwise, if we wait until something happens and simply provide discipline, sometimes it is not well received because of the negative situation.

So, we pick out a time (usually daily) to have a “training time.” (We talk about this at length in our book, The Values-Driven Family, and also have a brief article available on our Web site called The Softer Side of Child Training here.) There are many ways to incorporate fun and memorable elements into a training time, but one thing we always do is share Scriptures about select values or Christlike character traits and discuss how these values and verses do (or should) play out in our everyday situations. Of course, we don’t always have lessons related to attitude, but when we do we might share some of the following verses and how to apply them in maintaining a godly attitude:

Surrender

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.” (Romans 13:1)

Mom and Dad occasionally have a bad attitude when God (who has authority over them) wants them to do something contrary to their own will; and similarly the children can experience this rebellion when Mom or Dad make a request. This verse helps to remind everyone that it is God’s plans and purposes that should prevail, not our own. As we discuss this verse and others like it, we consider things like, What is the outcome of submitting to authorities? What happens when you rebel against the powers who are over you? What are our existing authorities and how do we show them subjection? We guide the discussion a bit to show the children that it is a blessing to be surrendered to those who have rule over you, and that this is God’s desire.

Self-Control

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” (Proverbs 21:23)

One of the side effects of both bad attitude and anger is running at the mouth and saying things you shouldn’t. We share verses like this in relation to self-control, and even though the reminder to keep a bridle on the tongue in spite of negative emotions may not help to change the attitude, it can keep the resulting damage to a minimum.

Praise

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:4-5)

Anger and bad attitudes can be the result of rebellion but it can also come from a spirit of discontent or unnecessary upset. The core value of praise reminds us that God wants us to rejoice in all circumstances. Having verses at the ready that talk about rejoicing, even in the midst of trials, can be an encouragement when someone in the household is struggling in this area.

Of course, there are more verses that speak to these particular subjects but hopefully this simple overview will show you how you can teach God’s Word and help everyone in the family to apply it to real-life situations, especially here in relation to attitude (but also, by extension, anger and other emotional outbursts). Through this consistent exercise, you can create a more  joyful home atmosphere. Having covered applicable verses during family time, it becomes simply a reminder to the children when attitudes or anger flare, to share one of the applicable verses in an encouraging manner and say something like, “This is what we talked about the other day…this is one situation where you can choose to obey God’s Word and be blessed.”

The approach of meditating on God’s Word and using it during life’s “teachable moments” is not an instant-fix, but it gets to the heart and will prove more effective than other “band-aids” in the long run. The consistent teaching and application of the Scriptures has been the one thing that I would say has affected the most change in the atmosphere of our home. So I encourage you to turn to God’s Word to correct bad attitudes and other outbursts in your home; pray with and for your children as you minister the encouragement of the Word and trust God that His Word will not return void!

Sister heard the knock on the door first, but Brother beat her to it. It was Mr. Pointy Nose, the truant officer who had visited many months earlier with dire warnings about homeschooling and had left a friend, with a bread recipe.

“It’s the man from the state!” Brother yelled. Mother rushed from the kitchen with Baby on her hip and sighed in relief when she saw their guest. “Please, come in,” she said.

Mr. Pointy Nose took a chair in the living room and Sister went for refreshments.

“What brings you all the way out here again?” Mother asked.

“Well,” said Mr. Pointy Nose, “two things, actually. First, I wanted to let you know that I’ve quit my job and I’m moving to Montana.”

Mother was surprised. Brother was ecstatic. “Oh, wow! Montana! That’s a big state! They have a lot of steer and horses and even buffalo. Can we come visit you?”

Mother signaled Brother to calm down. “What will you do in Montana?” she asked Mr. Pointy Nose.

“I have a brother who owns a ranch out there. I thought I’d try my hand at cattle herding.” He smiled sheepishly, as if he knew how unsuited for such work he seemed. “It’s always good to learn new things,” he added.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” Mother said.

“Can we visit?” Brother asked again, ignoring Mother’s warning glare.

“I’d be happy to have you,” Mr. Pointy Nose said, “but you know it’s hundreds of miles from here.” Brother nodded and ran for an encyclopedia.

“On a more serious note,” Mr. Pointy Nose continued, “A new truant officer has been assigned, and I’m afraid she won’t be so easily won over. She’s on a low-carb diet.”

Mother burst into laughter. Mr. Pointy Nose was starting his new life with a new sense of humor.

“Really,” Mr. Pointy Nose said, “she’s a tough one. Takes her job and herself very seriously. I didn’t want you to be surprised.”

Mother thanked Mr. Pointy Nose for the heads-up and wrapped some homemade strudel for his journey. He left amidst wishes of good luck and even some hugs.

After the children were in bed, Mother and Father talked long into the night. Sister and Brother tip-toed out of their room and sat in the hallway for many moments watching the light under their parents’ door and worrying in whispers about the new truant officer. They weren’t doing anything wrong, of course. As a matter of fact, they were doing many things quite right. But they worried nonetheless.

The family didn’t have to wait long to meet the new truant officer. She showed up at their door two days after Mr. Pointy Nose. “Ms. No-Bread” the children decided to call her in private, even after Mother gave them a disapproving look. “Well,” Sister said, “it’s not mean. She doesn’t like to eat bread, does she?”

Ms. No-Bread was tall and even sterner than Mr. Pointy Nose had let on. After a brief and official introduction, she announced, “Your children belong in school.”

“My children are in school,” Mother said calmly. “We homeschool.”

“We live at school,” Brother added, even as Sister tugged at the back of his shirt. Brother was only seven and still not very good at knowing when he should keep quiet.

Ms. No-Bread’s eyebrows drew together until they touched. “That’s not school and it’s not legal.”

Mother turned and handed Baby to Sister. “I think there must be a misunderstanding,” she said when she turned back to Ms. No-Bread. “Homeschooling is perfectly legal and has been very good for my children.”

Ms. No-Bread harrumphed and stomped back to her car, warning, “We’ll see about that!”

The next day, the family was served with papers to appear in court. That night, Mother and Father stayed up late talking again. Sister and Brother sat in the hall again. Brother fumed, “I should have set a trap for that lady.”

“What would you do with her if you caught her?” Sister asked.

Brother thought this over for a long time. “I would get Daddy to drive her far away and leave her there. In Montana.”

Sister laughed. “That wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do to Mr. Pointy Nose.”

The day of their hearing arrived and the whole family went together. Brother was under orders to be on his best behavior. Father and Mother had decided they would represent themselves and that Mother would speak for the family.

Ms. No-Bread presented her case before the judge, then shocked the family by asking that the children be removed to foster care while the case was under investigation. It was with great effort that Mother gathered her wits to speak.

“Your honor,” she said, when it was her turn. “I’m sure this lady has the best of intentions, and I’m glad she cares so much about children.” Mother held her breath for a second.

“Our family has been homeschooling for nine years,” Mother continued. “I have to be honest and tell you that we would do it with or without the blessing of the state, but it does happen that homeschooling is legal in our state and that we are not in violation of the law.”

The judge leaned forward. Mother hoped she hadn’t shocked him, or offended his sense of authority. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Brother lean forward, too. He and Sister were sitting on the front row, because they had begged to be close to Mother — just in case. Father sat near the back with Baby, because Baby wasn’t always very quiet. Only a handful of others sat scattered about the courtroom — two other homeschool families who had come to support Mother and Father, and some people there for their own hearings.

“You’re telling me,” the judge said, more surprised than angry, “that you would knowingly break the law if it didn’t suit you?”

Mother cleared her throat. “Yes, your honor, I would. You see, a law that forcibly takes children from their parents to be educated by the state is both unconstitutional and unconscionable. For the good of my children and for the sake of liberty, I would be forced to choose what is right over what politicians had concluded should be the fate of my children.”

The judge was rapt now. He gathered his robes and descended from his bench. Ms. No-Bread gasped.

The judge motioned for Mother to sit in a nearby chair and he took one opposite her. “Please, continue,” he said. Ms. No-Bread tried to protest, but the judge motioned her to sit also. “Doesn’t this fascinate you?” he asked her.

Brother could contain himself no longer and ran to his mother and sat on her lap. She wrapped her arms around him and spoke.

“I know that many parents feel intimidated by the state system of education, but they do have the right to choose freedom. It’s wrong for the state to take children by force. It’s wrong for it to force its own curriculum and ideology on children, its own vision of the future, its own agenda for society. It’s the role of citizens to create their own future, based on their own individual visions. That’s how we came to be the United States of America and the freest nation on earth. The people, not the state, created America. Now the government has decided the people can no longer be trusted — not even to raise their own children.”

Ms. No-Bread rose to protest again, but the judge interrupted her. “What do you think of this, ma’am?”

Ms. No-Bread stuttered a few incoherent words and sat down.

“Go on,” the judge said to Mother. “You have my interest.”

“Your honor,” Mother went on, “the state is our servant, not our master. Since when does the servant order the master to turn over his children and threaten to lock him up if he won’t?”

The judge looked thoughtful. “But some parents, all too many, maybe, won’t see to their children’s education as they should. In the long run, that costs the state money — welfare, prisons, tax revenues.”

Mother looked doubtful. “Maybe,” she said. “On the other hand, it’s hard to imagine it getting much worse than it is now — with most children in state schools. Could it be that the state has taken on a job never intended to fall to it and is paying the consequences? The family is not some program instituted by politicians. It’s the natural way of life, a law of nature, so to speak. Laws of nature are usually violated at considerable risk to the offender.”

The judge leaned back in his chair. “Whoa. You’ve given this some thought. Go on.”

“Maybe,” Mother said, “much of the dysfunction we see in society today is because the state has taken over the role of parents. Maybe state schooling is actually a major cause of our problems, for the very reason that it defies the laws of nature.”

“But,” the judge began.

Mother held up her hand. “Please, if you don’t mind, I’d like to make one more point.”

The judge nodded and Ms. No-Bread looked as if she might cry, or maybe explode.

“A few people argue that because some parents will fail to see to their children’s education all children should be forced into state schools. This seems an odd line of reasoning to me. What else do we apply it to? Do we require children to be nourished by the state because some parents will feed them poorly? Poor nutrition costs the state — in healthcare, lost taxes from lost earnings, and welfare. Do we force all adults to exercise daily? Adult lethargy costs the state plenty. Do we monitor the daily activities of all citizens because some will commit crimes? Crime costs the state a tremendous amount of money. Why the preemptive action against potential imperfections in parent-controlled education but nowhere else?”

The judge rubbed his chin. “That’s a good question. Why, indeed?” He turned to Ms. No-Bread. “What do you think?”

“I don’t think,” she snapped. “I just do my job. Smarter people than me came up with this system.”

The judge turned to Mother and raised his eyebrows.

“The history of our system is another story,” she said, “and there’s not time to get into it now. But common sense serves just as well to determine what’s right. We may deem other people’s imperfections worse than our own, but that does not give us the right to take away their children and indoctrinate them according to our own perceived perfection —“

At this, Ms. No-Bread stood and blurted out, “What about people who abuse their children? How will we ever know if they aren’t in school?”

Mother nodded. “Child abuse is a horrible thing, but most abused children already attend state schools where the abuse goes unnoticed or even ignored. Some are even abused in schools without any repercussions. But again, are we prepared to monitor all families because a few do wrong? Is that what you would want if you had children?”

Ms. No-Bread didn’t respond. She sat down and glared out a window.

“People are not perfect,” Mother said. “There is plenty that needs to be done to help parents do their job better. But that is not the role of the state. The perfecting of imperfect human beings by their fellow imperfect human beings should be done by persuasion, not coercion.”

Brother had drifted off to sleep and Mother shifted him on her lap so his head rested more comfortably against her shoulder. A heavy silence hung in the atmosphere, one of thoughtfulness.

“I won’t take much more of your time,” Mother said. “But I would like to emphasize that I did not bring children into the world to fulfill someone else’s vision for the future. As you well know, there are dozens, maybe hundreds, of competing visions within education circles. And, as I’m also sure you know, the winning theories are those of people with the most will and money to influence politicians and others in authority. The law then attempts to take my children by force and make them submit to the winner's ideology. The only thing that stands between this grasp for my children and their freedom is their father and me. If I won’t protect them, who will? So, yes, even if it meant breaking the law, I would protect my children from becoming pawns in this deadly game of who is most perfect and therefore justified in taking away the children to prepare them for the correct future.”

Brother stirred and looked around. “Are we done yet?” he asked. The judge stood and ruffled Brother’s hair. “Yes, son, we’re done. Go home and learn all you can so you can make as convincing a case for freedom as your mother has done.”

Brother leapt from Mother’s lap, ran over to Ms. No-Bread and threw his arms around her. “You can come visit us sometime,” he said. “We can give you roast beef instead of bread.”

Ms. No-Bread looked bewildered and embarrassed, but also a little less stern. A tear slipped down her cheek and she nodded as Brother ran back to his mother.

Tammy Drennan homeschooled her own sons from 1985 to 2003. She has worked as a homeschool leader, tutor, workshop leader and writer since 1986. Visit her blog and her web site.

One might be surprised to know that the biggest influx to the home school arena today are professional teachers. The reasons they give are very interesting.

• In the 60s, teachers had more say so about what happened in their class rooms. However the government is more in control these days. It is important to know that the Vietnam War taught us that the war cannot be won from the White House. Likewise the teacher, who is in the trenches (metaphorically speaking) knows what her kids need. Unlike the bureaucracy, She sees them as human beings, and not as statistics. Heck, the school lunches were even much better in the 60s.

• Teachers rightfully complain they must now teach their children to pass the government mandated tests requiring them to sacrifice teaching of the basics.

• Class sizes have become so large that kids are taught to act like robots rather than individuals. Teachers find themselves having to teach as if a one size fits all... they are less able to individualize their curriculum.

• Recess and play time are being decreased. Many teachers complain this is creating stress, and forcing little ones to fit into unhealthy and unnatural molds .

Teachers are getting a bum wrap when they are blamed for the increasing decline in the U.S. public school system, and few people are listening to "those in the trenches".  Evidence indicates that government bureaucracy is to blame. Is it any wonder that so many teachers are choosing to home school their own families?

Most home school students out perform public school children on college entrance exams. Obviously most parents are doing something right whether they have teaching credentials or not.

Are there some sad stories about children that are not receiving an adequate education in the home school venue? The answer is yes, but there are more such stories found in the public school system. Government intervention is not a solution.  Parent awareness and involvement ("those in the trenches") is the solution. That is the case whether one has children in the home school or public school systems.

This is not said to put an impossible burden or even blame on parents. I say this to empower parents. The solution to today's education is noticeably coming from you, the people.

Are you super-sizing your homeschool intake?  A healthy body is important, but so is a healthy homeschool.  What is homeschool obesity?  What does it look like?  What does it feel like?

Do you walk into your "school room" and see papers, books, supplies, and general disorganization?  The farther you get into the year are you finding it harder to maintain control of the messes?  We all know what it feels like when we over-eat.  We feel bloated, uncomfortable, about to burst.  If you are not careful your homeschool can feel and look the same way.  Incorporating too much into your homeschool is very similar to over-eating.

Here are some common examples of our tendencies to over-do it.

Supplies

Back-to-school sales can be our biggest downfall.  Who can pass up a deal on supplies when they are marked down so low?  But, do you really need 40-50 bottles of glue?  Will you be able to store all those products, and still maintain some semblance of organization?  Reining in the desire to over supply our homeschool is the first step to staying ahead of the time wasting clean up and organizing chore.

Curriculum

Find a curriculum that you and your student may be comfortable with and stick with it for at least 6-9 weeks.  If it isn't working, get rid of it.  Don't hang on to all those extra textbooks and worksheets.  If the company allows for re-sale there are several forums to unload the product at a minimal loss to you.  Or, there may be some needy parents who would like to homeschool, but can't afford curriculum.  Pay it forward by offering it free.  That is a lesson in itself for your student.

Lesson overload

Postponing a couple of subjects for a day or two is acceptable.  Taking the time to let your student dig deeper into one subject for the day should be allowed.  It shows your student you care more about their interests, but also lets them have some ownership in their education.  Marking lessons off a list does not make an education, nor does it guarantee that learning is taking place.

Websites

Have you ever watched television with a channel surfer?  It is an annoying experience, and it can  stimulate your mind to the point of wanting to burst.  Too much information can make it difficult to make decisions, and focus.  Find several trusted homeschooling sites, and follow them.  If you have visited many you will find a lot of the information is repeated.  You don't need to follow all of them to keep up with current events or ideas.

Forums

If you have opened your email to find 800 messages from numerous homeschooling forums then you have joined too many.   In our quest to find support and connections we take away from the benefits of these forums.  We are all dealing with the same situations, so pick a couple that fit your lifestyle and beliefs.  You won't miss out on anything since many of us are already connected through most of the forums, and we are all sharing from one to another.

Extracurricular activities

As homeschoolers we all worry about socialization.  But, getting your student involved in too many outside activities can wreak havoc on our schedules.  It may also add unneeded pressure on your student.  Allowing them to master one skill at a time can do wonders for their self-esteem, which is always more important than socialization.

Be Realistic

You wouldn't feed a child an adult sized meal.  Be conscientious about how much you are offering your student.  Their brains are growing, but they cannot handle the overload of information we sometimes serve up to them.  Give them time to digest a little at a time so they don't lose the love of learning.  Too much of a good thing will always have a negative consequence.

Keeping homeschooling simple does not mean your student will miss out on a full education.  It just means they will enjoy it more, and grow to be healthier, more satisfied students.