Shortly after my oldest daughter completed her second semester in college, a friend who happens to be a retired public school teacher and administrator, asked me a simple question. I'd been homeschooling for 17 years by this time, but this single conversation was a major turning point for me.

Over the years since I first began my homeschool journey, I have had dozens of conversations with people about homeschooling, and more specifically, about my decision to homeschool my children. Occasionally, though not often enough, I have felt free to express my views with complete honesty. Often — in fact, all too often — I have felt compelled to "tone down" my comments so as not to offend the listener.

Well, on this particular day, all that changed. Tom asked, "So how was Darcy's first year in college?"  I answered quickly, failing to recognize the underlying question. "She did GREAT!"  He continued, "Darcy's been homeschooled since kindergarten, right? How well did she do keeping up with her classmates?" Now the question being asked "between the lines" was being heard loud and clear!

"Was your daughter, educated at home by her mother, really able to keep up with students who have been taught by well-trained, highly-specialized teachers?"

That was all it took.  My defenses were up and I was ready to fire.  I proceeded to explain to Tom just how well Darcy was doing in school.

"Thanks for asking, Tom. Darcy's doing great. She was invited to join the Honors program at Northern, and during her first year managed to achieve a 4.0 grade point average, despite having a schedule crammed with Honors classes. In fact, she recently explained her thoughts on WHY she has done so much better that most of her honors program peers. 'Mom, I don't think I'm smarter than the rest of the kids in my classes, I just think that I've been taught how to study and to learn so much more effectively than they have. They just don't seem to know how to learn.' "

Tom replied with an inkling of an attitude,

"You do know that you're talking to a public school educator, right?"

Oh, Really?

In that single moment, I decided never to worry about offending again. All of a sudden it dawned on me that in our compulsory education driven society, it was absolutely fine for Tom to ask me questions that might offend me! But he made it perfectly clear that it was NOT fine to voice opinions which offend the politically correct institution of public education. Over the years I have been asked SO MANY questions that have offended me, and for the first time in nearly 17 years, I decided that it was time to tell the truth... no matter who it offended.

"Yes, I know you're an educator, Tom, but that doesn't change the truth. You asked a question and I answered it — truthfully. Darcy was incredibly well-prepared for her college academic experience by her homeschool education. In fact, her experience seems to suggest that she was much better prepared than many of her "traditionally" schooled peers."

So, homeschoolers, despite evidence that shows overwhelmingly that home educated students do better than their publically-schooled peers in almost every measurable area, it would seem that we are the only ones who have to be careful not to offend. Evidently we are NOT free to question the cultural norm or offend those who so fiercely defend it.

Oh, really??

Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer - doesn’t a nice, cold lemonade sound super right now? Or how ‘bout just sucking on a lemon? I’ll bet that doesn’t quite have the same appeal to you, does it? Maybe because it’s not really the same thing. While some people may enjoy the sharp tartness of a plain lemon, it’s usually the added ingredients that cause many more people to enjoy the beverage. It’s the same thing with the sharp and perhaps bitter experiences that life hands us from time to time. Two personal examples come to mind.

I have a friend who has recently gone through treatment for cancer. Before the experience, I would have to say we were not much more than acquaintances. We met while a mutual friend was walking through her own cancer journey, which, I’m still sad to say, won the upper hand. But in Candy’s case, she has thus far been declared in remission, and still believes that God has completely healed her in this life. It has been a difficult journey, however, and one that could have taken its toll on her family in many ways, except for those “added ingredients” that she mixed in. My friend’s faith kept her steady and strong through it all. She lived out the verse “In your weakness My strength is revealed”. She took any and every opportunity to encourage her friends in their sorrow, exhort other patients in the hospital, and find the “God moments” in every day. It took work, effort and intention to turn the sour experience of cancer into the sweet victory that she celebrated – and still celebrates today.

I know that the “when life gives you lemons” cliché can get really worn out. But I also know that it is the truth in it which is the reason it gets so over used! We all have our share of unfair stuff, bad hands dealt to us, short-end-of-the-stick happenings. But it all comes down to how we’re going to deal with them. We can’t prevent them from happening, but we can determine that they’re not going to get the best of us.

A colleague of mine, Wendy, is a great example of that. A homeschooling mom with 4 children, her abusive husband left them all one day with no means of support. She had already begun a home business to supplement her husband’s irregular income, but she could have fallen apart at this domestic disaster. Instead, desiring to keep the children’s lives as stable as possible, she redoubled her efforts to make her business work. As a result, they were all able to stay in (and pay off!) the home the kids were born in, and her business now provides training and support to thousands of work-at-home moms (and she maintains a soft-spot to help out single moms). I am amazed at her absolute refusal to be bitter. Although divorce is not what she would have chosen for her life, she focuses instead on the good that has come of it.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that as you take a break this summer from your usual routine, let me encourage you to take a break as well from allowing any sour experiences to embitter your life. Attitude is everything (ok, at least a good part of it, anyway!), and our attitudes can bring out the best lemonade out of the sourest lemons! I’m not there yet, either, but it’s a recipe that we all need to repeat every day.  Left on their own, “lemons” may only be bitter - but with some added thought and effort on our part, they can bring refreshment and quality to our lives.

A family game night is an excellent way of promoting deeper relationships between all the members of your family, which is one of the main goals for most home-schooling families. It can produce life-long memories between parents and children of all ages, and even grandparents if they can join you regularly. Here are five top ideas for your next family games night.

Games should be chosen to include every family member, so that they are not too hard for younger children yet are complex enough to provide a challenge for older players. They should also be suitable for any number of players so that no one is excluded. These five family games fulfill these requirements.

Rummy is a thinking card game using a normal deck of cards without the jokers. Two or three players have ten cards each, four or five players receive seven cards each, six players each receive six cards. The rest of the cards are placed face down as a pick-up pile in the middle of the table, with the top card turned over and put face up beside the pile to start the discard pile. Players look at their cards to see if they can form any 'melds'. A meld can be three or more cards that either form a run of the same suit (for example; Ace, 2, 3, 4 of Hearts) or are of the same rank (for example; three Jacks). Note that in Rummy an Ace always counts as a "1" and is never higher than a King. Player One has the choice of picking up the top card from either the discard pile or the pick-up pile, before getting rid of any card by placing it face up on the discard pile. This means that he or she will end their turn with the same number of cards they started with. Players continue in a clockwise direction. The first player to form two or more melds of all the cards in their hand and discard their final card wins the game.

Table Story is a fun word game that requires no preparation or equipment. It has become one of my family's favourite word games. An adult or older child starts a story, which each player adds to as it proceeds around the table. For example, she may start the story by saying, "Michael and his family had been driving for a long time. He was bored. He looked out the window and was rather shocked to see ... " The next player completes the sentence and then continues the story for a few more sentences before the next player takes over and so on around the table. There may be many twists and turns in the story but it must always make sense. When everyone has had a few turns adding their part to the story the original story teller can end the story.

Mute Spelling is another word game that requires no preparation or equipment. Every player starts with their score on the letter "A". Player One is given a word to spell. The word should be fairly easy to spell, but the player can only say the consonants. Vowels are given by using the following symbols:

• "A" - raise your right hand
• "E" - raise your left hand
• "I" - point to your eye
• "O" - point to your open mouth
• "U" - point to any other player.

As an example, when spelling the word "APPLE" they would raise their right hand, then say P-P-L before raising their left hand. A player who makes a mistake progresses from a score of "A" to "E", then "I", "O" and "U" for any other mistakes before they are out of the game.

Pig is an easy dice game for any number of players using only one die. Players take turns rolling the die and adding their scores for each roll. They can choose to stop at any time and keep their score for that round, but a roll of "1" wiped out the score for the round and ends their turn. Scores are added for each round, and the first player to get an overall score of fifty points or more wins the game. In my family, one son plays cautiously and stops when his score reaches ten points in any round, while another son tries to score the full fifty points every round.

Anti-Um is a spoken word game that can really help language and public speaking skills as well as being fun. A topic is chosen for the player, such as "Books" or "Painting". They then have thirty seconds to consider the topic before speaking about it for one minute or more. They must not pause or say "Um" (or any similar word) during their speech. Every player has a turn, with a different topic chosen to suit each player. It is quite hard when you first try, but after a few weeks practice it becomes easier.

Family games nights can include commercial games like Clue or Monopoly, but it is often more fun to use a simple deck of cards or a few dice. After all, home-schoolers recognize that it is the quality of the time spent together rather than the cost of the game that is most important. See our website if you would like more details on these or other family games.

“[I]f you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

How do you rear children to become geniuses – or at least really, truly excellent at something?

(a) Send them to school and make sure they get straight A’s, take a broad array of courses, become “well-rounded,” and end up with spectacular looking college applications.

(b) Give them lots of time to pursue their natural interests, encourage them to strive for mastery and excellence in what they pursue, shelter them from excessive negative influences.

“Most of us unwittingly or recklessly do everything we can to suffocate genius in our kids by insisting on doing what everybody else is doing with their children... ....The mass education of our public school system diminishes all three key factors that produce genius in children.” -- Raymond and Dorothy Moore

The three factors the Moores refer to are love, protection and freedom – three elements glaringly missing from state schools and from an unfortunate number of private institutional schools.

To elaborate on the three elements of genius or excellence, the love that parents give their children must be nurturing and involved; the protection must be from the right things and people with exposure to the right things and people; and the freedom must be freedom to pursue an interest passionately and doggedly.

So, we’re not talking about hanging out at home watching TV or playing video games or play-fighting in the yard all day long. We’re talking loving, involved parenting and guidance, and a huge amount of liberty, with a view toward excellence. But excellence is the result of effort concentrated in the area of desire.

The famous homeschooling Colfax family is a good example. Their boys enjoyed the freedom to pursue their love – animal husbandry and related sciences and skills. They rounded themselves out with more casual reading in areas of less interest (i.e., lots of historical fiction instead of history books).

Mom and Dad viewed their end of the job as resource providers, and they threw themselves into it with a passion, constantly searching out more and better books and materials to expand their sons’ expertise.

Their boys went on to win scholarships to Ivy League colleges.

In an interview with Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point, Blink, and most recently, Outliers: The Story of Success, Reader’s Digest (12/08) asked “How does a kid become the next Bill Gates or Tiger Woods?” Here’s what Gladwell had to say:

“Both of these men had parents who allowed their children to focus almost exclusively on what brought them joy and what they were good at. And both of them were able, as children, to invest an extraordinary amount of time in pursuing that particular passion. Again, not just for a little time. The magic number for them, for Mozart, and for so many outliers, as I call them, appears to be 10,000 hours.”

To put that 10,000 hours in perspective, if you were to spend four hours a day, 365 days a year, devoted to honing a skill, it would take you close to seven years to reach the 10,000 hour mark.

According to Gladwell, that’s what it takes for mastery. Others don’t put a number on the hours it takes, but they clearly understand it takes massive amounts of time – and the freedom not afforded by a conventional, institutional education – to become a “genius.”

“Men give me some credit for genius. All the genius I have lies in this: when I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me, I explore it in all its bearings. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then the effort which I make, the people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought.” -- Alexander Hamilton

"People make a mistake who think that my art has come easily to me. Nobody has devoted so much time and thought to composition as I. There is not a famous master whose music I have not studied over and over." -- Amadeus Mozart

The question is: Do we have the courage to do what works, or will we continue to feebly follow the government schooling model, cowed, intimidated, afraid to take education back from the state and restore it to health?

I think enough people have the guts, but their courage muscles are as under-exercised as their brains, so it’s going to take a little working out, some practice. Go to it! Start today!

Tammy Drennan homeschooled her own sons from 1985 to 2003. She has worked as a homeschool leader, tutor, workshop leader and writer since 1986. Visit her blog and her web site.

Homeschooling is often misunderstood. Many people question the quality of homeschool educations while missing the many advantages of homeschooling. We humans tend to compare things that may seem new to us to the things that are familiar to us. Therefore, Homeschooling routinely gets compared to public school system. I don’t mind that it gets compared to the public school system, simply because there really is no comparison. Consider the following facts:

1. A greater number of homeschool children go on to higher education and college than their public school peers.
2. Records show that homeschool children get better grades than their public school peers.
3. A higher percentage of homeschoolers graduate from high school.
4. Homeschool curriculum tends to be more accurate and timely than the obsolete/dated textbooks and curriculum used in public school.
5. More than 95% of homeschoolers are able to recognize and speak authoritatively on issues of government and politics, while only 55% of their public school counterparts are as savvy.

The public school system was started with political motives supply a workforce for economic growth. This chiefly benefitted a few wealthy businessmen with political clout. It was never intended to freely educate and equip our nation’s youth to be entrepreneurs; to be independent; to dream the American dream unless that included falling in line to be an employee.

It is our job as responsible parents is to be able to make sure that our children have adequate resources to secure for them the education they need and deserve. The intent of homeschooling is and should be just that - schooling at home. This is how a true education can be accomplished as proven by the statistics above. The quality of education itself is one of the main advantages of homeschooling.

One might be surprised to know that the biggest influx to the home school arena today are professional teachers. The reasons they give are very interesting.

• In the 60s, teachers had more say so about what happened in their class rooms. However the government is more in control these days. It is important to know that the Vietnam War taught us that the war cannot be won from the White House. Likewise the teacher, who is in the trenches (metaphorically speaking) knows what her kids need. Unlike the bureaucracy, She sees them as human beings, and not as statistics. Heck, the school lunches were even much better in the 60s.

• Teachers rightfully complain they must now teach their children to pass the government mandated tests requiring them to sacrifice teaching of the basics.

• Class sizes have become so large that kids are taught to act like robots rather than individuals. Teachers find themselves having to teach as if a one size fits all... they are less able to individualize their curriculum.

• Recess and play time are being decreased. Many teachers complain this is creating stress, and forcing little ones to fit into unhealthy and unnatural molds .

Teachers are getting a bum wrap when they are blamed for the increasing decline in the U.S. public school system, and few people are listening to "those in the trenches".  Evidence indicates that government bureaucracy is to blame. Is it any wonder that so many teachers are choosing to home school their own families?

Most home school students out perform public school children on college entrance exams. Obviously most parents are doing something right whether they have teaching credentials or not.

Are there some sad stories about children that are not receiving an adequate education in the home school venue? The answer is yes, but there are more such stories found in the public school system. Government intervention is not a solution.  Parent awareness and involvement ("those in the trenches") is the solution. That is the case whether one has children in the home school or public school systems.

This is not said to put an impossible burden or even blame on parents. I say this to empower parents. The solution to today's education is noticeably coming from you, the people.

The homeschool convention is almost here! Are you ready?

Whether it is your first convention or your fifteenth, the annual homeschool convention can be an overwhelming event. With dozens of workshops, over 100 vendors, and thousands of new and used books, it can be a challenge to know what to do first. Here are a few tips to help you make the most of your convention experience.

Before the Convention

Register

In order to maximize your time and money, start planning well before the day of the convention. Pre-registering online is amazingly convenient, and it will save valuable time when you arrive at convention. Members of the sponsoring organization often receive a generous discount on full registration, and pre-registering by the early-bird deadline can save even more. That is extra money to spend on something that will make your homeschooling easier!

Plan

First, know why you are going to convention. What do you want to accomplish? Do you want to:

• Find out about homeschooling in general?
• Learn techniques for teaching toddlers or teens?
• Gain encouragement for educating your special-needs child?
• Get a hands-on preview of new curriculum?
• Stretch your dollars by buying used curriculum?
• Hear encouraging truths from veteran homeschoolers?
• Make a few dollars by selling your used books?
• Give back to your homeschool organization by volunteering for a few hours?
• Save shipping costs by purchasing your textbooks?
• Attend an inspiring graduation ceremony?

You can do all this and more at the convention if you plan your time wisely! If you spend time thinking through your goals for the coming year, and deciding what you need from the convention before you go, you are well on your way to making the most of this exciting weekend.

Make Your Lists

The sponsoring organization maintains a list of workshops and vendors on its website, and the preliminary workshop descriptions are usually included in the latest issue of the newsletter. Use these resources to plan your time at the convention. As you study the workshop schedule, you will begin to see workshops that you absolutely want to attend. Check them off on the preliminary program, and begin to prioritize.

Inevitably, there will be more than one workshop per session that you would like to attend. This is not a problem! Virtually all the workshops are recorded, and you may purchase tapes or CDs at convention and listen at your convenience later. This way, if you decide to spend all your time in the curriculum hall or the used book sale, you will not miss out on all the encouraging and informative workshops that are scheduled.

Plan for Children and Teens

While convention weekend is a wonderful opportunity for some special "couple time," the convention is family-friendly if you prefer to bring everyone. A glance at the program will reveal many workshops that are of special interest to teens. These teen-track workshops may include topics such as "Technology and Computers," "Creation vs. Evolution," "College Options," and many more.

Children ages 5-12 may have the opportunity to enroll in a special children's program, where they can enjoy skits, songs, stories, and crafts focused on the development of good character qualities. The children's program usually runs for the entire convention, except for meals, for which your children may join you to talk about all the things they've learned.

Read Ahead

If you are new to homeschooling, or are entering a new phase of home education, such as high school, you may want to do some reading before you arrive at the convention. You may wish to order books such as The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling by Debra Bell, For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macauley, or 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum by Cathy Duffy. There are many other wonderful resources available, and whatever you read will help you prepare for the convention, as well as for the coming school year. Ask a veteran homeschooler for her recommendations, and she'll probably be happy to share some of her favorites.

Make a List

If you write your shopping list on a business size or 7x9" envelope, you will be able to place all your receipts in the envelope as you make purchases. You can jot notes about what you see on the back of the envelope, and keep a running total of what you spend on the inside of the flap. Just be careful not to lose your envelope!

At the Convention

When you arrive at the convention, you'll receive a program booklet and a bag of literature from vendors. The program will contain a map of the convention hall, speaker and graduate profiles, listing of vendors, and a final schedule of workshops. It pays to sit down for a few minutes to get acquainted with this valuable resource. First, check the workshops you want to attend and verify the time and location. Second, locate the bathrooms, concession stands, bag drops, and other conveniences, and locate the booths of vendors or speakers you particularly wish to visit. Now you are ready to plan your day!

As a point of courtesy, if you spend a lot of time with an author or vendor who patiently answers your questions, please remember that it would be very rude to go across the aisle to save a couple of dollars on the same curriculum from a vendor who has not given so generously of his or her time. Most authors and vendors are at the convention, not only because they truly want to help other homeschooling families, but also because they need to make a living.

If This Is Your First Convention

If this is your first convention and you are able to come more than one day (I highly recommend coming for the whole time, if at all possible), don't buy anything until the last few hours you are there. Use your first day, or first few hours, to attend the introductory workshop sessions offered for new homeschoolers, then browse the curriculum hall, picking up catalogs and brochures. If you know you have a bag full of information, and will be able to order anything you see later, after you have had time to make a careful decision, you will not feel pressured to decide too quickly on anything you see.

Take all the literature you have gathered back to your hotel, or out to lunch if you are there for only a day, and look through it. Focus on things that fit your needs now - elementary curriculum if you have young children, high school curriculum if you have teens. Get acquainted with some of the things that are available, so that when you return to the curriculum hall, you can go directly to the items that seem most interesting or useful to you. Write down questions you would like to ask different vendors, and do not forget that the homeschool organization probably has a table is staffed with veteran homeschoolers who would be happy to answer questions for you. Remember that you do not have to make any quick decisions, but that you may order virtually anything, including workshop tapes, after the convention.

If You Are A Veteran Homeschooler

If you have been homeschooling for years, but have not been to the convention in a while, prepare to be astonished and delighted by the amazing array of high-quality curriculum options that are available. You will find many resources for the high-school years, as well as a great deal of information on helping your student make the transition to college, the military, or a career. There are encouraging new books and resources, as well as workshops and vendors that can answer many of the questions you may have as your students grow older.

Veteran homeschoolers are probably also aware of the many opportunities available for volunteer service at the convention. The convention takes place only with the help of the many volunteers - both new and veteran homeschoolers - who donate a bit of their time to make it happen. You may choose to help in the exhibit hall, graduation, security, hospitality, registration, publicity, used curriculum sale, or as an office volunteer or speaker host. As a special thank-you, volunteers often receive special privileges such as first admission to the used curriculum shopping area, or a free workshop recording.

After the Convention

When you reach home after the convention, you will have much to digest. Make time to read the books and catalogs you bring home, and listen to the workshop tapes you have purchased. As you put all you have learned into practice, you will be thankful you took time to learn more about home education. Your new knowledge will help you experience joy in the journey!

Are you super-sizing your homeschool intake?  A healthy body is important, but so is a healthy homeschool.  What is homeschool obesity?  What does it look like?  What does it feel like?

Do you walk into your "school room" and see papers, books, supplies, and general disorganization?  The farther you get into the year are you finding it harder to maintain control of the messes?  We all know what it feels like when we over-eat.  We feel bloated, uncomfortable, about to burst.  If you are not careful your homeschool can feel and look the same way.  Incorporating too much into your homeschool is very similar to over-eating.

Here are some common examples of our tendencies to over-do it.

Supplies

Back-to-school sales can be our biggest downfall.  Who can pass up a deal on supplies when they are marked down so low?  But, do you really need 40-50 bottles of glue?  Will you be able to store all those products, and still maintain some semblance of organization?  Reining in the desire to over supply our homeschool is the first step to staying ahead of the time wasting clean up and organizing chore.

Curriculum

Find a curriculum that you and your student may be comfortable with and stick with it for at least 6-9 weeks.  If it isn't working, get rid of it.  Don't hang on to all those extra textbooks and worksheets.  If the company allows for re-sale there are several forums to unload the product at a minimal loss to you.  Or, there may be some needy parents who would like to homeschool, but can't afford curriculum.  Pay it forward by offering it free.  That is a lesson in itself for your student.

Lesson overload

Postponing a couple of subjects for a day or two is acceptable.  Taking the time to let your student dig deeper into one subject for the day should be allowed.  It shows your student you care more about their interests, but also lets them have some ownership in their education.  Marking lessons off a list does not make an education, nor does it guarantee that learning is taking place.

Websites

Have you ever watched television with a channel surfer?  It is an annoying experience, and it can  stimulate your mind to the point of wanting to burst.  Too much information can make it difficult to make decisions, and focus.  Find several trusted homeschooling sites, and follow them.  If you have visited many you will find a lot of the information is repeated.  You don't need to follow all of them to keep up with current events or ideas.

Forums

If you have opened your email to find 800 messages from numerous homeschooling forums then you have joined too many.   In our quest to find support and connections we take away from the benefits of these forums.  We are all dealing with the same situations, so pick a couple that fit your lifestyle and beliefs.  You won't miss out on anything since many of us are already connected through most of the forums, and we are all sharing from one to another.

Extracurricular activities

As homeschoolers we all worry about socialization.  But, getting your student involved in too many outside activities can wreak havoc on our schedules.  It may also add unneeded pressure on your student.  Allowing them to master one skill at a time can do wonders for their self-esteem, which is always more important than socialization.

Be Realistic

You wouldn't feed a child an adult sized meal.  Be conscientious about how much you are offering your student.  Their brains are growing, but they cannot handle the overload of information we sometimes serve up to them.  Give them time to digest a little at a time so they don't lose the love of learning.  Too much of a good thing will always have a negative consequence.

Keeping homeschooling simple does not mean your student will miss out on a full education.  It just means they will enjoy it more, and grow to be healthier, more satisfied students.

Have you ever tried to define homeschooling? A homeschool is where parents teach their children at home instead of sending them to public or private school. You have probably heard this popular definition and it is also my favorite definition. I regularly plead with parents to carefully raise and educate their precious children at home. I know it seems like your children will be with you forever, but you will only have them for a very short time. The time that you have to raise and educate your children will fly away, quickly and certainly.

While a teenager, daydreaming in my high school geometry class, I dreamt of a better way of learning. I thought about learning the way learning should be; stripped of the institution, the inept teachers, the dreary textbooks, the endless paperwork, the standing in lines and the long, long bus rides…just learning -- a lifestyle of learning. For more than thirty-five years, now, I have seen that dream come true, not only for my family, but for millions worldwide. Education has permanently changed. Amazingly, even the government school system is now scurrying to find new ways to “homeschool” their government funded students. But in all my dreams, I never thought that homeschool would be done solely by parents in their homes. In my mind, homeschooling is so cool that everyone should want to do it; children, parents, teachers -- everyone. In my mind, homeschooling isn’t so much about “Home”schooling; but, it is really about “Freedom”schooling. Parents are the God ordained educational authorities in a child’s life and have the freedom and responsibility for deciding how and what their children should learn.

Homeschooling has now spread to millions of parents worldwide who are looking for that better way of learning. Parents are realizing that they have the unique power and responsibility to determine what their children are taught and by whom. Parents can delegate the authority to a teacher but will never be able to delegate the responsibility for how and what their children learn. Ultimately, the parents are responsible.

Because of the amazing success of homeschooling, there are now thousands of people who want to provide services to you and your children. Now, all kinds of people want to teach your children Math, Spanish, Writing, Band, Chorus, Taekwondo, and on, and on, and on. Everywhere, teachers are discovering that homeschooling is exciting for them, too. They can teach children using their teaching gifts without being encumbered by politically correct educational technocrats and endless paperwork that steals time away from the kids. But, parents BEWARE! Once again, you are ultimately responsible for everyone who teaches your child. Don’t assume that any person who is around homeschoolers is automatically safe to be around your child. And don’t assume that just anyone should be allowed to teach your child. Be very, very careful. Here are a few questions you might want to ask when interviewing prospective service providers.

• Ask to attend the class with your child.
• Ask about the teacher’s teaching style and religious, political, and educational philosophies.
• Ask for references of other parents whose children have been taught by the teacher. Call the references!
• Ask those parents to describe both the good and the bad aspects of that particular setting.  Ask about the teacher’s experience, grading policy, and what books will be used.

Consider doing background checks; they are easy and inexpensive online.  As homeschooling continues to grow, parents must make sure that their children are safe and not assume that just because someone works with homeschoolers, they have good morals.

As homeschooling opportunities continue to expand, never forget your parental role. Although you can delegate the opportunity of teaching your child to another teacher, you will never be able to delegate the responsibility for teaching your child – that will always belong to you.

If you have identified passive-aggressive behavior in your children and know that your typical responses to it are not working, then you are ready to make a plan that does work.

An Analogy to Help us Focus

Let's use a simple analogy to help us see the problem more clearly. Think of yourself as the employer and of the child as the employee. Employees are expected to perform tasks within a time frame. If they do their work well, they keep their jobs and receive benefits. If they don't, they're fired. My boss expects me to come to work on time and to work when I get there. She doesn't call me every half-hour to cheer me on or to remind me that I need to keep working. She doesn't promise to buy me lunch if I work hard. She doesn't even threaten that she will fire me if I don't work. And she doesn't call me names if I slack off (at least not that I'm aware of) or threaten to call my husband to squeal on me.

Apply the Analogy to Your Situation

Simply apply the analogy to your situation. You are the boss and you have the control. Your kids are expected to perform tasks within a time frame. If they don't, they should suffer the consequences. Take some time to write out your expectations and some natural consequences for failure to comply. Don't announce them. Don't warn and hint. Simply fix them in your mind. The next time they pull a passive-aggressive stunt, let them and don't say a word. Then, when it is time, follow through with the consequence.

The First Example

For example, Sally is supposed to complete her language arts and math before lunch. By noon, she hasn't even started her math. What do you do?

You prepare and eat a fantastic, delicious lunch (make it superbly out of the ordinary), but eat it quietly and alone. When she comes to the kitchen, you calmly say, "I'm sorry, Sally. I guess you missed lunch. Your work isn't done. As soon as you finish, let me know and I'll make you a snack."

It's important that you say this with no accusing tone. It should be a statement of fact, delivered in a loving way. You are genuinely sorry for her. Don't gloat, and make sure the snack is nutritious but boring. If you think it will be hours before she will be done and you don't want her going that long without food, then have a pre-made snack ready on a teeny, tiny plate and let her take it to her desk so that she can nibble as she works.

This may sound horrible, but you won't have to do this more than once or twice. Trust me; it works.

The Second Example

Another example is that you ask Sally to clean her room. She spends the afternoon goofing off and doesn't begin cleaning. You make a mental note, but say nothing. You go about your business (remember, it is not your problem). Later that day, when it's time for her to watch her favorite show or go outside, etc, you say, "I'm sorry, Honey, you can't do that today because you didn't obey me earlier when I asked you to clean your room. "

Then follow through---no negotiating, no backing down, not even if she flies to her room and frantically does the job as fast as she can to make up for it. The consequence is not for neglecting to do the job; it's for not obeying you when you first gave the instructions. A wise person once said that anything less than instant obedience is disobedience. And consequences must follow disobedience every time without fail.

When you start to take back control, expect resistance in the form of whining, accusing and arguing. Whatever you do, DO NOT DISCUSS THE MATTER OR ARGUE WITH YOUR CHILD. This is the fastest way to lose ground. You are above that.

A Second Analogy

Can you imagine being stopped by a police officer and debating the terms of your ticket? How about promising to drive slower to cancel the fine? Can't you see the cop kicking your tires, screaming or begging you to take the ticket? How about stopping other motorists and whining, "She never wants to take this ticket!" How ridiculous! Police officers are in authority and their calmness and confidence show it.

You are in authority in your home. Be calm and confident. Don't back down, don't threaten, warn, discuss, debate and don't argue. There is something pathetic about an adult arguing with a young child. It demonstrates weakness to the point of helplessness and desperation. Confidence and calm inspire admiration and invite others to follow and obey. Remember, you have complete control of your kids' lives. Simply follow through and watch the change.

You Will all be Happier

You will be happier and so will your kids when you regain control of your home because your home will become a peaceful place again. None of us is happy with anarchy.